[WP] The Earth has finally run out of fossil fuels to use as energy and, with the only other option being to turn to clean and renewable energy sources…

[WP] The Earth has finally run out of fossil fuels to use as energy and, with the only other option being to turn to clean and renewable energy sources, the U.S. has decided to take drastic measures: trying to reach into alternate dimensions to find oil and other fossil fuels.

The angel had a proper number of eyes. At least two, certainly, though he couldn’t quite see the upper limit of such things, but it was far easier to just say that angel had a proper number of eyes rather than worry about the specifics.

Worrying about the specifics was for his legion of advisors, after all, all of which had gone awfully quiet when the angel had stepped through in the first place.

“Mister president,” The angel said, bowing his/her/their head. His/her/their wings were wide and voluminous, bladed little darted things of twisted metal and soft fabrics. “I am thankful that your country has finally decided to contact us. We have been waiting for several years for this.”

“You have?” the president asked, blinking. In the corner of his eyes, he saw his advisors shifting back and forth uneasily, though that was probably more on account of figuring out how many limbs the creature had rather than anything too terrifying. “We come to make a deal for energy.”

He, as the president, was beyond petty matters like converting the creature from the abstract into something credible, and as such didn’t bother.

“Of course,” The angel said, looking up. “My liege has a great excess of heat to offload upon the world. Your world is in an energy crisis, I understand. We can make an exchange.”

“Hmmm…” The president said, rubbing his upper lip. “Heat you say?”

“Heat. A deep perpetual upwelling of heat. The likes of which have been plaguing the great realm we live in for a number of years. The very fate of heaven itself lies in the balance, in dealing with this heat. And oil, of course. We have that in spades.”

The president could just pinch himself. Here he was, dealing with an angel, an ANGEL, and they were coming to him for help. He turned and gave his advisors a wide grin, but their eyes were too busy counting various limbs and bladed implements to give another comment.

Oil and fuel. He liked the way this angel thought.

“So what you’re saying is… you’re willing to make a deal.” The president said, turning back around.

“I am,” The angel smiled, baring a number of teeth that seemed proper and pointed.

The president decided he liked this one in particular. What a smart and intelligent angel they must’ve sent to negotiate with him. “I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting biblical support. Not this early, at least. What trade shall we make?”

“Ah,” The angel said. “Well…” The angel’s many eyes, at least two, slid past the president and onto a map of the wall. “I’ve always been partial to Nevada. An embassy and quarters for my many weary soldiers? A little help in a campaign here and there. Just to make sure your lovely citizens have a place in the afterlife.”

“And in exchange you’ll… grant us some of this heat?” The president asked. “What sort of fuel drives this heat?”

“Burning,” The angel reported. “Of the bodies of our soldiers and the enemy’s soldiers. We burn for quite a long time.”

“And oil?” The president said, curious. “Oil from what?”

“The blood of my soldiers, boiled and distilled. As you can imagine, the process of waging a war for heaven is a messy affair.”

The president checked that off of his internal list, barely hiding his glee. He was known for his poker face, of course, alongside a great number of other things that were equally endearing.

“A deal!” The president reached out. “We’ll work out the specifics at your embassy.”

“Of course,” The angel said, leaning forward. “I look forward to dealing with the great and mighty US military in our next campaign. You have a deal.”

Their hands met, the angel’s fingers flowing across his like a particularly wet glove rather than anything quite like another hand.

“Oh,” The president said. “What’s your name? The press will want to know such things. I know that such a great and smart creature like yourself doesn’t need press coverage, but I’ll be sure to let them know first hand.”

Yes, at last, he would be known as the president who saved both heaven, and the fossil fuel industry! The history books would laud his name! The world was his oyster!

The angel smiled. “Well, for the record, since you’re such a great and smart man yourself, the name is Lucifer.”